Ielts general essays

Hello, I am having some difficulties writing the introduction of a subject with two ideas. Can you please tell me if my introduction responds in general the questions?
topic: Some people belive money is a less important factor than free time for quality life. What do you think about it? What other factors are necessary to live a good quality of lifestyle?
answer: Nowadays people tend to spend more time working in order to produce more money witch affects the quality of their life. Some people argue that free time for quality life is much more important than money. From my viewpoint money have a significant role in making peoples life unstressed and joyful alongside with other factors such as health and security.

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“””Nevertheless, the art galleries are supposed to place emphasis on the masterpieces themselves and the themes they intend to demonstrate, instead of the monetary value of art. {Fundamentally, art should be pure and not associated with proposals of making money.} [[[Otherwise, if people are charged a price, no matter how much it is, to view the works of the artists, then they will probably regard the items exhibited as various amount of cash. Because they may reckon that the authors create their workings simply to earn some money.]]] [If this were to be the new phenomenon, then it will contradict the true goal of establishing museums, which is the popularisation of art].”””

Ielts general essays

ielts general essays

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